>> PREVIOUSLY ON "NIP/TUCK"...
UGH!
I AM NOT READY TO OPERATE! THE
CERVICAL NERVES ARE STILL
INFLAMED, AND MY HANDS AREN´T
WHAT THEY WERE. WHERE´S YOUR
PARTNER?
>> I PREFER TO WORK ALONE.
>> VERY NICE.
>> ARE YOU A DOCTOR?
>> I´M YOUR HUSBAND.
>> I CAN´T WALK. IT´S HARD.
>> SO IS STAGE II BREAST CANCER!
>> WHAT DOES BREAST CANCER HAVE
TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
>> I HAVE IT.
>> LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I DON´T
LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.
>> RAJ. I´M VERY SORRY ABOUT
THAT. DR. PARESH IS NEW HERE,
I´M AFRAID, AND A LITTLE
OVERZEALOUS.
>> MISS SHELLY, TELL US WHAT
YOU DON´T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.
>> IT´S MR. SHELLY FOR STARTERS.
>> [SNORTS]
YOU ARE A MAN.
>> SEAN, COULD YOU SEND GUNGA
DIN OUT FOR SOME WATER, PLEASE?
>> THAT´S ALL RIGHT. WE´RE USED
TO IT, AREN´T WE, TRACEY?
>> I CAN´T TELL YOU HOW MANY
TIMES WE´VE BEEN MISTAKEN FOR
SISTERS OVER THE PAST FEW
YEARS, EVEN LESBIANS.
>> WHAT WE ARE IS HORSE PEOPLE.
WE HAVE A RANCH UP IN SANTA
CLARITA. THE RANCH HANDS HAVE
TAKEN TO CALLING ME "MA´AM"
BEHIND MY BACK.
>> BUT YOU´RE GENERALLY IN GOOD
HEALTH.
>> NEVER BEEN SICK A DAY IN MY
LIFE, BUT I TURNED 45, AND
SUDDENLY, ALL MY MUSCLES HAVE
TURNED TO JELLY, MY TUMMY IS
ALL FLAB, AND I´VE GOT JOWLS
LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER.
>> HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED A
DECREASE IN YOUR SEX DRIVE?
>> NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT. JUST
BEING HONEST, HONEY.
>> HOT FLASHES, IRRITABILITY?
>> OH, MY LORD. YOU´RE GOING
THROUGH THE CHANGE.
>> ACTUALLY, A GRADUAL DECREASE
IN TESTOSTERONE CAN CAUSE
A HORMONAL CONDITION SIMILAR TO
THOSE EXPERIENCED BY WOMEN.
>> IT IS CALLED ANDROPAUSE,
FROM THE GREEK, "ANDRO" MEANING
MALE, "PAUSE" MEANING STOP.
>> THERE ARE VARIOUS FORMS OF
TESTOSTERONE
REPLACEMENT--INJECTIONS, CREAMS.
>> AND RISK CANCER? SHIT. I´D
RATHER TURN INTO A GIRL.
>> WHICH, IN FACT, IS A
DISTINCT POSSIBILITY HORMONALLY
SPEAKING. CHEMOTHERAPY CAN
PRODUCE TEMPORARY OR PERMANENT
STERILITY IN MEN BECAUSE OF THE
EFFECT UPON THE TESTES. ASK DR.
CHRISTIAN TROY.
>> DR. PARESH.
>> IT´S ALL RIGHT. IT´S ALL
RIGHT, SEAN.
>> I, UH--I WAS RECENTLY
DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER. I
KNOW ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT
HORMONE THERAPIES.
>> YOU POOR MAN. I´M SO SORRY.
>> WELL, MR. SHELLY, WE CAN
CERTAINLY GIVE YOU MORE
DEFINITION IN YOUR JAW LINE,
TIGHTEN UP YOUR CHEEKS, GIVE
YOU SOME PEC IMPLANTS.
>> NO OFFENSE HERE, DOCTOR,
BUT--HEH HEH--WHO THE HECK IS
GONNA DO THE SURGERY? I MEAN,
YOU´RE IN A WHEELCHAIR, AND
HE´S GETTING CHEMO, AND HOW OLD
ARE YOU, SON?
>> 17, BUT I AM A GENIUS.
>> MR. SHELLY, REGARDLESS OF
WHAT DR. McNAMARA AND I ARE
GOING THROUGH, I ASSURE YOU
THAT WE CAN MAKE YOU LOOK AS
VIRILE AND MASCULINE AS THE MAN
YOU ARE INSIDE.
>> ♫ AH
MAKE ME BEAUTIFUL
MAKE ME
A PERFECT SOUL
A PERFECT MIND
A PERFECT FACE
A PERFECT LIE ♫
>> HAD PROBABLY BEEN ON FOR
ABOUT AN HOUR AND SOAKING WET,
AND THERE WERE TWO OF MY
NEIGHBORS WALKED OVER...
>> THIS MIGHT STING AS IT
ENTERS THE SYSTEM.
>> WHERE´S THE CALL BUTTON?
>> I´M NEARBY. DON´T WORRY.
>> WHEN IS THE NAUSEA MOST
LIKELY--
>> LIZZIE. LIZZIE, LIZZIE, I´M
A BIG BOY, OK? I´LL ASK THE
QUESTIONS.
>> I MEAN, REALLY, WHEN´S THE
LAST TIME I--YOU KNOW, TO JUST
TAKE A LOOK AT NATURE, JUST TO
REALLY, FULLY TAKE IT IN? YOU
KNOW, THE OTHER DAY, I DECIDED
TO LAY DOWN ON THE GRASS FOR A
WHILE AND JUST LOOK UP AT THE
SKY.
>> STOP IT. YOU´VE BEEN A
LESBIAN SO LONG, YOU FORGOT
THAT MEN DON´T LIKE TO BE
PATTED WHEN YOU´RE PUKING.
>> GOT YOU.
>> OHH. SHIT! I HATE VOMITING.
>> IT MEANS THAT IT´S WORKING,
DOLL.
>> THAT´S AN URBAN MYTH. WHAT
ARE YOU DOING? I DON´T NEED A
MOMMY, I DON´T WANT A MOMMY.
STOP BEING MY MOMMY!
WILL YOU GET ME SOME WATER,
PLEASE?
>> WHERE´S YOUR TOY? OH. HERE.
HMM? THERE YOU GO. NOW YOU CAN
FOCUS ON WHAT REALLY COUNTS,
RIGHT, PICKING UP SOME BABES IN
THE PARK, HMM?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
>> HEY.
>> OH, HEY. UM, LOOK. MOMMY´S
HERE. HUH? ARE YOU READY TO GO
DO SOME SWINGING?
>> HI. OHH.
>> I MADE SOME PASTA. IT´S IN
THE FRIDGE AND SOME JUICE BOXES
THERE IF YOU WANT TO GRAB A
COUPLE.
>> DO YOU NEED SOME, UH--
>> NO, NO, NO. I GOT IT. I´M OK.
>> LOOKS LIKE YOU´VE REALLY
MASTERED THAT THING.
>> IT´S NOT HARD ONCE YOU GET
USED TO IT. HOW´S OLIVIA?
>> GREAT. SHE´S REALLY TAKING
CARE OF ME.
>> AND HOW ARE YOU?
>> THE DOCTOR SAID IT WILL TAKE
AS LONG AS IT TAKES, THAT I
SHOULDN´T EXPECT ANY MIRACLES.
SOME THINGS ARE COMING BACK,
ALTHOUGH I DON´T REMEMBER THE
ACTUAL INCIDENT, BUT, YOU KNOW,
CHILDHOOD MEMORIES AND MY
GRANDPARENTS, RELATIVES, OUR
YEARS TOGETHER.
>> I KNOW YOU´RE STILL MAD AT
ME. MATT TOLD ME.
>> I JUST DON´T UNDERSTAND WHY
YOU´D LIE TO ME LIKE THAT, YOU
KNOW, TELL ME WE WERE STILL
MARRIED.
>> I GUESS AT THE TIME IT JUST
SEEMED LIKE IT WOULD HELP.
>> WHO? YOU OR ME?
>> OLIVIA´S WORKING LATE ALL
WEEK. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU HAD A GOOD HOME-COOKED MEAL?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT´S GREAT? YOU
HAVEN´T LOST ANY HAIR FROM THE
CHEMO YET.
>> YOU´D LIKE TO SEE ME BALD?
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> DID YOU KNOW THAT 17% OF
CANCER PATIENTS DON´T ACTUALLY
USE THEIR HAIR? THAT´S GONNA BE
ME, BUDDY BOY. I AM STRONGER
THAN ANY OF THAT CHEMICAL
BULLSHIT THEY CAN DISH AT ME.
SO, PAL, EVEN ON CHEMO, I´M
GONNA BE BETTER-LOOKING THAN
YOU.
>> DON´T BE AN ASSHOLE. I WAS
JUST MAKING CONVERSATION.
WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID WAS I
FEEL TERRIBLE YOU´RE GOING
THROUGH THIS, BUT I´M HERE FOR
YOU, WHATEVER YOU NEED.
>> I´LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN I
NEED YOUR HELP. I´M FINE.
>> YOU DON´T LOOK FINE. WHY
DON´T YOU TAKE THE DAY OFF?
>> WE HAVE A PATIENT. YOU´RE
SURE AS SHIT NOT GONNA OPERATE,
ARE YOU?
>> RAJ IS HERE. I´M ASSISTING.
>> YOU´RE RIDICULOUS, ALL
RIGHT? PLUS, LOOK. I NEED TO
WORK, OK? YOU NEED A HAND
WHEELING YOURSELF OUT OF HERE,
KILLER?
>> NO. I´M FINE, PAL.
>> ♫ WHEN I´M IN TROUBLE
OR OUT OF STEP
THERE´S ONE THING
HELPS ME TO FORGET
WONDER WHAT I´M THINKING
BUT IT´S PLAIN TO SEE
I´M NOT THE MAN
I USED TO BE... ♫
>> SOON, IT WILL BE YOU IN HIS
PLACE, DR. CHRISTIAN TROY, AND
ME IN YOURS. MAY I SAY THAT IT
WILL BE AN HONOR TO DO YOUR
RECONSTRUCTION.
>> CHRISTIAN AND I HAVEN´T
ACTUALLY DISCUSSED YOU
PERFORMING THE SURGERY, RAJ.
>> THAT´S BECAUSE THERE´S
NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. YOU´RE
DOING IT, ALL RIGHT? JESUS
CHRIST! WE´RE TALKING ABOUT MY
TIT HERE. I WANT THE BEST.
>> I CAN´T OPERATE IN THIS
CHAIR.
>> WELL, I WILL RIG THE TABLE
SO THAT YOU CAN REACH IT. I
MEAN, JESUS, SEAN. A LITTLE
HELP HERE, LINDA. I MEAN, WHO
CRANKED UP THE HEAT IN HERE?
WHAT, ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE IT
FEEL LIKE SWEET HOME CALCUTTA?
>> NO ONE TOUCHES THE
THERMOSTAT IN HERE BUT ME.
>> I´M SICK AND TIRED OF
TALKING ABOUT YOU AND THAT
CHAIR. COULD YOU PASS ME A
TRAY, PLEASE, LINDA?
WHEW! OK. WHO WANTS TO CLOSE?
>> ♫ I´M NOT THE MAN
I USED TO BE ♫
>> THERE YOU GO.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
>> ARE YOU EXPECTING A PLAY
DATE, GLORIA?
>> UH, NO. WILBER AND I GO TO
THE PARK, MR. CHRISTIAN.
>> OH.
[KNOCKING]
>> HI.
>> OH, HELLO.
>> WHERE´S MATT? TUESDAY´S HIS
DAY TO WATCH JENNA.
>> WELL, YOU´RE A LITTLE EARLY
BECAUSE IT´S MONDAY.
>> WHAT? YOU´RE KIDDING.
>> NO.
>> NO, NO, NO. NO, NO, NO. I
CAN´T CANCEL MY MASSAGE,
CHRISTIAN. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW TENSE I´VE BEEN?
>> SURE. WELL, YOU KNOW,
GRANDPA CAN TAKE CARE OF HER.
>> NO. SHE CAN´T BE AROUND YOU.
WHAT IF SHE CATCHES SOMETHING?
>> WHAT?
>> AH, GLORIA. GLORIA, RIGHT?
IS THAT YOUR NAME? HI. UM, HOW
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A LITTLE
EXTRA DINERO RIGHT NOW? YEAH?
IF YOU COULD WATCH MY DAUGHTER
TILL I GET BACK FROM MY
APPOINTMENT, I WILL GIVE YOU
DOS--DOS HUNDRED DOLLARS. IS
THAT FAIR?
>> UH-HUH.
>> OK. GREAT. HERE WE GO.
>> OH, LITTLE CORAZON.
>> OH, YES. OK. HERE WE GO.
HERE´S HER BAG. OK.
>> AND THE MONEY?
>> OH. MONEY, YES. VERY GOOD.
THERE YOU GO. OK. YES.
GOOD-BYE. HERE WE GO.
>> COME ON, WILBER.
>> SEE YOU LATER, WILBER.
>> SEE YOU. YOU BE A GOOD BOY,
ALL RIGHT?
>> I´M SORRY ABOUT THE JENNA
THING. YOU UNDERSTAND. I
JUST--I WANT WHAT´S BEST FOR
HER. DO YOU HAVE ANY WATER? OH.
I NEED TO START FLUSHING MY
TOXINS RIGHT NOW. I´M EXHAUSTED.
>> I UNDERSTAND. IN FACT, I´VE
NEVER SEEN YOU THIS TENSE.
>> YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I MEAN,
MAYBE A LITTLE BIT WITH THE
CANCER, BUT BEING A
MOTHER--THERE´S NOTHING MORE
STRESSFUL.
>> I BET.
AND WITH EDEN LIVING WITH YOU
AND RAM, I´M SURE YOU´RE NOT
GETTING THE ATTENTION YOU NEED.
>> MM. YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO
DO.
>> THAT´S BECAUSE I´M A REAL
MAN.
I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY IT.
>> YEAH?
>> YEAH.
>> YOU´RE A REAL MAN, BABY.
>> UH-UH-UH-UH. LEAVE IT ON.
>> REAL MEN HAVE SCARS.
>> HEH.
>> HEH. I´M SORRY. THAT´S
DISGUSTING.
>> WHAT?
>> IT´S--IT´S DISGUSTING, AND
I´M NOT SURPRISED BECAUSE YOU,
WITH ALL OF YOUR SELF-LOATHING
AND THE WAY YOU´VE TREATED
PEOPLE, I MEAN, NO WONDER YOU
PULLED THAT IN.
>> I DID WHAT?
>> YOU DID THIS. IT´S KARMA,
CHRISTIAN. IT´S A BITCH.
>> ARE YOU GLOATING AT THE FACT
THAT I HAVE CANCER? GET OUT OF
HERE.
>> I BET THAT MADE YOU FEEL
LIKE A REAL MAN NOW, HUH,
THROWING ME AROUND LIKE THAT? I
FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, CHRISTIAN.
I DO, BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT ALL
THE EMOTIONAL SCARS YOU´VE LEFT
ON OTHER WOMEN OVER THE YEARS...
I´M SURPRISED THAT THIS DIDN´T
HAPPEN TO YOU SOONER.
>> YOU´RE A GREAT CANDIDATE FOR
LIPOSUCTION, MISS TAYLOR. THE
INCISIONS WILL BE VERY SMALL, I
PROMISE. YOUR CO-WORKERS WON´T
NOTICE A THING EXCEPT HOW MUCH
BETTER YOU LOOK OF COURSE.
>> SO IT SAYS HERE THAT YOU
TAKE NAPROXEN AND CELEBREX FOR
ARTHRITIS, TAGAMET FOR
GERD--AHEM--AND LIOTRIX FOR
HYPOTHYROIDISM? WOW. OK. AND
YOU TAKE TAGAMET EVERY DAY?
>> YES. UH, THAT´S RIGHT.
>> OK. UM, I´M GONNA--I´M GONNA
HAVE TO LOOK THIS UP JUST
BECAUSE I´M NOT SURE THAT YOU
SHOULD BE TAKING ALL THESE
IF--OK. LET´S JUST--LET´S MOVE
ON FOR A SECOND. UM, YOUR
FACE-LIFT. SO I CAN EASILY
REMOVE YOUR BROW LINES WITH
INJECTIONS OF BOTOX HERE AND
HERE AND PULL BACK HERE AND
HERE.
>> THAT HURTS!
>> OK. STOP.
>> I´M SORR--I´M SORRY.
>> ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK MY
SKIN WITH THAT THING? THIS
ISN´T WORTH $15 AN HOUR.
>> SHE´S A REAL LIVE PERSON,
DR. PENDELL, NOT JUST SOME BODY
ON A TABLE. YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE
TO TALK TO HER, YOU HAVE TO
LISTEN TO HER. WHAT´S YOUR
NAME, MA´AM?
>> LILA RUSOVIC.
>> MS. RUSOVIC, THANK YOU SO
MUCH FOR COMING TODAY. I KNOW
IT´S NOT MUCH MONEY FOR YOUR
TIME, BUT IT REALLY HELPS THE
STUDENTS TO PRACTICE THEIR
CONSULTATIONS.
>> THAT´S OK. I ENJOY THE
ROLE-PLAYING. IT´S MORE FUN
THAN SITTING AROUND WATCHING
THE SOAPS ALL DAY.
>> WELL, GOOD. LET´S TALK ABOUT
YOUR PRESCRIPTIONS BEFORE WE
TALK ABOUT THE OPERATION. HOW
LONG HAVE YOU HAD THIS THYROID
PROBLEM?
>> 4 YEARS.
>> OK. HAVE YOU BEEN ON
THE LIOTRIX THE WHOLE TIME?
>> I WAS IN AWE AT THE WAY YOU
CONNECTED WITH THAT WOMAN.
>> OHH! YOU´RE CONNECTING NOW,
DAPHNE!
>> I CAN TAKE GOOD CARE OF
PEOPLE.
>> YES, YOU CAN.
>> I KNOW I CAN.
>> YOU CAN.
>> OH, GOD, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
YOU´RE A BIG BOY. OH, YEAH, MY
BABY. MY BIG, BEAUTIFUL BABY
BOY. OHH!
>> OH, MY GOD. OHH.
>> [GROANING]
OH, PLEASE, MOMMY.
>> WHAT THE HELL´S GOING ON
HERE? JESUS, RAJ. YOU´RE A
PHYSICIAN. THIS IS A PLACE OF
BUSINESS.
>> BACK OFF, DOC HOLIDAY. I WAS
JUST THANKING RAJI FOR THE
BANG-UP JOB HE DID ON GENE.
>> WELL, NEXT TIME, BUY HIM A
MUFFIN BASKET. DO YOU HAVE ANY
IDEA WHAT KIND OF A LAWSUIT
WE´D BE FACING IF GENE FOUND
OUT ABOUT THIS?
>> YOU´RE ALL DOWN BUT 9,
DOCTOR.
>> WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
>> IT MEANS YOU´RE MISSING THE
POINT. NOT A WHOLE LOT TO DO UP
IN HORSE COUNTRY EXCEPT RIDE
AND SCREW. TRACE AND I, WE LIKE
TO STAY OPEN-MINDED.
>> WELL, NEXT TIME, OPEN YOUR
MINDS AND YOUR MOUTHS SOMEWHERE
ELSE.
>> YOU ARE TIGHT AS A SPRING.
IF YOU DON´T RELEASE SOME OF
THAT ENERGY YOU GOT GURGLING UP
IN YOUR PANTS, YOU´RE GONNA
GIVE YOURSELF A HEART ATTACK.
>> PLEASE FORGIVE ME, DR.
CHRISTIAN TROY. I HAVE NEVER
EXPERIENCED A WOMAN BEFORE. IT
WAS SO GLORIOUS.
>> GO HOME, RAJ.
>> [MUMBLES]
>> LOOK AT YOU. YOU´RE
PRACTICALLY WALKING AGAIN.
>> CAN YOU GRAB MY CHAIR?
>> YEAH.
>> LEAVE IT WHERE IT IS. I WANT
TO SEE YOU WALK TO IT YOURSELF.
5 STEPS WITHOUT THE BARS? YOU
CAN DO IT.
>> NO, I CAN´T. JUST BRING IT
OVER, PLEASE.
>> YOU WANT THE CHAIR AGAIN,
YOU´RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET IT
ON YOUR OWN.
>> I CAN--I CAN´T.
>> COME ON, MAN. HE ALREADY
WORE HIMSELF OUT. JUST BRING
HIM THE CHAIR.
>> YOUR MUSCLE MASS IS NORMAL,
YOUR RANGE OF MOTION IS ABOVE
AVERAGE. I´VE WORKED IN
REHABILITATION FOR 9 YEARS. I
KNOW WHEN SOMEONE IS READY TO
WALK, AND I KNOW WHEN SOMEONE
IS REFUSING TO.
>> MATT, THE CHAIR.
>> YOU CAN WALK!
>> I NEED THE CHAIR!
>> YOU CAN WALK! WALK, SEAN!
WALK!
>> OH, DAD! YOU OK? YOU´RE
FIRED. GET OUT OF HERE.
>> YOU´RE BABYING HIM.
>> I SAID GET THE HELL OUT OF
HERE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT
YOU´RE DOING OR HOW TO TREAT
PEOPLE, SO JUST GO!
HERE.
IT´S OK, MAN. YOU´LL WALK WHEN
YOU´RE READY. YOU´RE DOING THE
BEST YOU CAN. I KNOW THAT.
>> THANK YOU.
[WATER SLOSHING]
>> MM. I LOVE WASHING YOUR BODY.
>> HMM.
>> HMM. HMM.
I WANT TO TAKE AWAY ALL YOUR
PAIN, ALL YOUR TRAUMA, ALL YOUR
FEAR.
>> WHY DON´T YOU JOIN ME, HUH?
COME ON.
>> AW, THE BIG, BAD MONSTER
LADY TOOK AWAY ALL YOUR TRUST,
DIDN´T SHE?
>> ACTUALLY, I´M DOING PRETTY
FINE AT THE MOMENT.
>> SEAN, I HAVE AN IDEA.
>> WHAT?
>> I KNOW JUST WHAT YOU NEED,
BABY. COME HERE. PUT YOUR ARMS
AROUND ME.
>> DAPHNE, TAKE YOUR CLOTHES
OFF.
>> TRUST ME, BABY. TRUST ME.
COME ON. PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND
MOMMY.
>> OK.
>> COME ON, BABY. HOLD ON. HOLD
ON TO MOMMY. OH, THERE YOU GO.
OH, THERE YOU GO. OH, BABY´S
ALL CLEAN NOW. COME HERE.
JUST ONE MORE THING. JUST THINK
HOW SOFT AND SMOOTH YOU´LL BE
FOR MOMMY, HUH?
>> SWEETIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
>> DON´T YOU TRUST ME? SHOW ME
HOW BRAVE YOU ARE. YOU NEED TO
LEARN HOW TO TRUST AGAIN, BABY.
OH. YOU LIKE THE FOAMY
FRICTION? HA HA HA! OH, YES,
YOU DO. NO, NO. STAY STILL.
STAY VERY STILL. NO SUDDEN
MOVES SO MOMMY´S HAND WON´T
SLIP. YOU ARE GONNA BE AS SOFT
AND SMOOTH AS A BABY´S BOTTOM.
>> [SIGHS]
>> THAT´S IT.
>> HEY, BABY.
>> WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
>> I´M KITTY. WE TALKED ON THE
PHONE.
>> WE MAY HAVE TALKED ON THE
PHONE, BUT YOU´RE NOT KITTY,
NOT THE KITTY I SAW ON
CRAIGSLIST.
>> YEAH. THAT PICTURE´S A FEW
YEARS OLD.
>> HEH. AND OF SOMEONE ELSE.
>> LOOK, DUDE. I´M HERE, I HAVE
A VAGINA. IT´S A PRETTY GOOD
ONE, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, AND FOR
300 BUCKS, YOU CAN PUT YOUR
DICK IN IT OR ANY OF MY OTHER
WELCOMING HOLES, AND
AFTERWARDS, I WILL LEAVE
WITHOUT ASKING FOR SO MUCH AS A
HOT POCKET. SO AM I STAYING OR
GOING?
>> FINE.
>> OK. COOL-MOE-DEE. SO DO YOU
WANT, UM, STRAIGHT SEX OR
SOMETHING KINKY?
>> JUST SOMETHING STRAIGHT.
DON´T.
YOU WANT A DRINK?
>> SURE.
NICE DIGS. I WAS ONCE WITH ONE
OF THE DUDES FROM "TAXI" AT A
PLACE VERY NEAR HERE A FEW
YEARS A GO. HEE HEE HEE! MM.
YOU DON´T HAVE AIDS OR
ANYTHING, DO YOU?
BECAUSE YOU--YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT.
>> NO. I HAVE CANCER.
>> OH. WELL, NO REFUNDS IF YOU
CAN´T GET IT UP.
>> I´LL BE FINE.
>> AS LONG AS YOU´RE NOT
CONTAGIOUS.
>> JESUS CHRIST! WHAT, YOU
SWALLOW A WHOLE LOAF OF GARLIC
BREAD?
>> I WENT TO THE OLIVE GARDEN.
I´VE GOT TO EAT, DON´T I?
>> OH, GOD! GET OUT.
>> OH, RELAX. I HAVE AN ALTOID.
I DON´T KNOW WHERE YOU GET OFF
BEING SO CHOOSY. HAVE YOU TAKEN
A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELF? YOU´RE
NO RICO SUAVE.
NO REFUNDS. I WANT MY MONEY.
>> FOR STINKING UP MY LIVING
ROOM?
>> I WALK THROUGH THE DOOR, I
GET PAID.
FINE.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GIVE ME
THAT. GIVE IT TO ME. GIVE IT TO
ME!
DON´T TAKE THOSE. PLEASE. I
NEED THEM. I´M SICK.
>> CALL YOUR DOCTOR. DICKHEAD.
>> HEY. IT´S ME. CAN YOU COME
OVER?
>> WHERE´S WILBER?
>> AT THE NANNY´S HOUSE. HE´S
CLOSE WITH HER SON.
>> AND HOW DID YOU SAY THE LAMP
BROKE?
>> I TOLD YOU. I TRIPPED.
>> [SNIFFING]
WHY´S IT SMELL LIKE SHALIMAR?
>> SHIT.
[RETCHES]
OHH! LIZ!
>> I´M NOT WATCHING.
>> [PANTING]
AREN´T YOU GONNA DO THE RUB MY
BACK THING?
>> HERE. TAKE THIS. YOU´LL BE
OUT BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, AND
TONIGHT WILL SEEM LIKE A BAD
DREAM.
>> YOU´RE THE REAL DEAL,
LIZZIE. WHO KNEW?
>> I LEFT YOU JUICE, I CLEANED
THE LAMP, I SCRUBBED THE
TOILET. YOU´RE GONNA BE GOOD. I
WILL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
>> LIZ.
>> YEAH?
>> CAN YOU STAY AWHILE, JUST
UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP?
>> [SIGHS]
>> [GRUNTS]
>> [GASPS]
>> [BOTH GRUNT]
>> [PANTING]
[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]
>> DR. CHRISTIAN TROY.
>> MM-HMM?
>> I APOLOGIZE IF I AM LATE.
>> NO. YOU´RE RIGHT ON TIME. I
WAS JUST THINKING, WHILE WE´RE
AT IT, WHY DON´T WE GOT A
LITTLE BIT BIGGER, HUH, BULK IT
UP A LITTLE, YOU KNOW,
BILATERAL IMPLANTS?
>> LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I WAS
THINKING.
>> OK.
>> DR. LIZ CRUZ, WE ARE MEETING
IN HERE.
>> OH. OK. HI, CHRISTIAN.
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK, LIZZIE,
ONE PEC OR TWO?
>> ONE. I DON´T THINK YOUR
CHEST NEEDS ANY MORE INFLATING.
>> HERE WE ARE THEN. 3-D
IMAGING, THE LATEST IN CAT SCAN
TECHNOLOGY.
>> HOW YOU FEELING?
>> GOOD. THANKS. THANKS FOR
COMING OVER.
>> MM. HEH.
>> I WILL NOW PRESENT A 3-D
RENDERING OF DR. CHRISTIAN
TROY´S CUSTOM-MADE PECTORALIS
IMPLANT.
>> WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
>> OH, RAJ IS SHOWING US A
DEMONSTRATION OF MY BREAST
IMPLANTS.
>> WITHOUT CONSULTING ME?
>> YOU SAID YOU DIDN´T WANT TO
DO IT. WHAT, DO YOU WANT ME TO
BEG?
>> FINE. IT´S YOUR BODY.
>> SEAN, CHRISTIAN HAD A REALLY
ROUGH NIGHT LAST NIGHT, SO
MAYBE THIS ISN´T THE TIME TO
HAVE THAT DISCUSSION.
>> LIZZIE, IT´S REALLY NOT YOUR
CONCERN, AND BY THE WAY, WHY
DID YOU LEAVE THIS MORNING
WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE?
>> YOU MEAN, WITHOUT MAKING YOU
BREAKFAST?
>> LEFT? WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT
OUR PLACE?
>> SHE WAS HOLDING MY HEAD UP
WHILE I WAS PUKING IN THE BOWL.
WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA GET PISSED
BECAUSE I DIDN´T CALL YOU AT
YOUR GIRLFRIEND´S SO YOU COULD
COME OVER AND DO THAT, TOO?
>> IT WAS REALLY NO BIG DEAL. I
JUST CAME OVER, I KEPT HIM
COMPANY, I RUBBED HIS BACK, AND
THEN WE JUST DRIFTED OFF INTO
SLEEP, AND, YOU KNOW, IT WAS--
>> LIZ CRUZ, YOU AND DR.
CHRISTIAN TROY HAD SEXUAL
INTERCOURSE.
>> YOU AND LIZ HAD SEX?
>> YEAH, SEAN. LIZZIE WAS THERE
FOR ME. SHE SPREAD HER LEGS AND
MADE ME FEEL GOOD.
>> YOU WERE AWAKE?
>> YEP. I GOT MY MOJO BACK.
>> IT JUST HAPPENED. UM, I WAS
PRACTICALLY ASLEEP, AND I
THOUGHT THAT HE WAS ASLEEP.
>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
PRACTICALLY ASLEEP? NOBODY
ORGASMS LIKE THAT IF THEY´RE
PRACTICALLY ASLEEP?
>> YOU PRETENDED TO BE OUT OF
IT, AND WHY DIDN´T YOU SAY
ANYTHING?
>> LIZZIE, IT WAS LATE, AND I
KNOW WHAT LESBIANS ARE LIKE.
THEY LIKE TO CUDDLE AND TALK
AFTERWARDS.
>> YOU ARROGANT, LITTLE PRICK.
>> OH, COME ON, LIZZIE. IT´S
NOT A BIG DEAL.
>> OH, NO! YOU´RE RIGHT. YOU
KNOW WHAT? IT IS NO BIG DEAL
BECAUSE I KNEW THAT YOU WEREN´T
SLEEPING, AND I FAKED MY
ORGASM, AND YOU ARE A LOUSY LAY!
>> THAT IS A SNAP.
>> SHE DIDN´T FAKE IT. NOBODY
FAKES IT THAT GOOD. NOBODY.
>> SHH. OOH, YEAH! OH, GOD. I
LOVE HOW SMOOTH YOU ARE DOWN
THERE. MM. I HAVE SOME
SURPRISES FOR MY BABY TONIGHT.
>> OH. I LIKE THAT.
OH, THAT´S WARM.
>> I DON´T WANT YOUR SKIN TO BE
ALL DRY DOWN THERE. ONE MORE.
>> I GET TO DO YOU NEXT, OK?
>> UH-UH. CLOSE YOUR EYES.
DON´T LOOK.
>> OK.
>> OK. YOU READY? YOU READY FOR
MOMMY? HA HA HA!
>> OHH. HMM.
>> DON´T LOOK. ALMOST THERE.
>> THAT´S, UH--OK.
>> YEAH. GOOD BOY.
>> WHAT THE--
>> GOOD BOY.
>> OHH!
>> OH, MY GOD! YOUR LEGS!
>> A DIAPER?
>> YOU CAHN WALK?!
>> YEAH. IT´S A GODDAMN
MIRACLE. NOW, YOU, OUT!
>> BUT--YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU LOVE
IT. YOU LOVE THE ATTENTION. YOU
LOVE BEING TREATED LIKE A CHILD.
>> I´M NOT YOUR BIG BABY HUEY,
OK?
>> YEAH. YOU´RE A BIG BABY LIAR
PRETENDING THAT YOU NEEDED A
WHEELCHAIR.
>> NOT ANYMORE!
>> ♫ MERA NAAM CHIN-CHIN-CHU
CHIN-CHIN-CHU
BAABA CHIN-CHIN-CHU
RAAT CHAANDNI MAIN AUR TU
HELLO-- ♫
>> HIYA, MR. RAJ. HOW YOU DOING?
>> OH, MY. YOU HAVE A PENIS.
>> IT GOES WITH MY BALLS...
BUT IT DOESN´T MAKE ME ANY LESS
OF A WOMAN.
>> RAJ, AM I INTERRUPTING? ARE
YOU MEDITATING?
>> I AM PRAYING TO FREE MYSELF
FROM IMPURITY AND SIN.
>> WELL, AIM HIGH.
>> LIZ CRUZ?
>> YEAH?
>> WHY DO YOU CHOOSE TO RUB
VAGINAS WITH YOUR OWN SEX?
>> ATTRACTION ISN´T SOMETHING
YOU CHOOSE. IT´S JUST WHO YOU
ARE.
>> BUT WHAT IF I DON´T WANT TO
BE WHAT I AM?
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> I WAS VERY ATTRACTED TO
TRACEY SHELLY. WE HAD ORAL
COPULATION. IT WAS MORE
ECSTATIC THAN RELEASING MY
KUNDALINI.
>> OK. YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON´T
THINK I WANT TO KNOW ANY MORE.
>> BUT JUST NOW IN THE MEN´S
ROOM, I DISCOVERED TRACEY HAD A
PENIS.
>> OH, WAIT A MINUTE. TRACEY IS
A MAN?
>> YES.
THE BEST SEX I HAVE EVER HAD
WAS FROM A DUDE.
>> LOOK. IT IS OK TO BE
CONFUSED. SEX IS LIKE POLITICS.
YOU LABEL YOURSELF--REPUBLICAN,
DEMOCRAT, STRAIGHT OR GAY--AND
THEN ONE DAY, YOU CROSS PARTY
LINES BECAUSE YOU HAVE A STRONG
FEELING ABOUT A PARTICULAR
CANDIDATE, AND THEN YOU DON´T
KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.
>> I LIKE BREASTS, LIZ CRUZ.
>> WELL, SO DO I. OH. OR I DID.
>> YOU DON´T LIKE THEM ANYMORE?
>> OF COURSE I DO. LABELS ARE
FOR CANS OF TUNA, NOT PEOPLE.
>> HMM.
THANK YOU, LIZ CRUZ. I THINK
YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL LESBIAN OR
NONLESBIAN, WHATEVER YOU DECIDE.
>> I´M SORRY.
>> IT´S BROKEN?
>> NO. I´M SORRY BECAUSE YOU´RE
SUCH AN IDIOT FOR PUNCHING A
WALL.
>> YEAH. WELL, HE´S LUCKY HE
WASN´T AT HOME WHEN MOM TOLD
ME, OR ELSE IT WOULD BE HIS
BUSTED HEAD YOU´D BE EXAMINING.
>> JUST TAKE A BREATH, ALL
RIGHT?
>> I´M SURPRISED YOU´RE NOT
ANGRIER, CHRISTIAN.
>> I´M STILL NOT CONVINCED YOU
SAW WHAT YOU SAW.
>> SEAN WAS STANDING THERE
NAKED AT THE FRONT DOOR,
TOSSING SOME FLOOZY OUT, AND
THEN HE SMOOTHLY WALKED BACK TO
HIS ROOM. I MEAN, THE WHOLE
THING WAS SO INCONCEIVABLE THAT
FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU.
>> AND THEN YOU NOTICED THE
MISSING 3 INCHES?
>> BE SERIOUS, CHRISTIAN. NOW
SEAN´S MADE FOOLS OF ALL OF US.
THE ONLY REASON I WAS THERE WAS
BECAUSE I ACTUALLY FELT SORRY
FOR HIM BECAUSE I SAW YOUR
EMPTY REFRIGERATOR. I WAS
ACTUALLY GONNA COOK DINNER FOR
HIM.
>> I JUST DON´T UNDERSTAND WHY
HE´D DO IT. I MEAN, IT´S JUST
SO MUCH MORE WORK TRYING TO
PULL THIS OFF THEN IT WOULD BE
IF HE JUST STOOD UP.
>> WELL, HE´S A BIG BABY. HE
WANTED ATTENTION. I WAS AROUND
ALL THE TIME. HE GOT MOM TO
FORGIVE HIM OUT OF PITY.
>> SEAN HAS USED US, HE HAS
MANIPULATED US TO FULFILL SOME
KIND OF REGRESSION FANTASY.
>> YOU KNOW, YOU´RE ACTUALLY
SICK, CHRISTIAN, AND HE STUCK
YOU WITH ALL THE WORK. HE´S SO
ADDICTED TO CODDLING, HE´S
LETTING THAT INDIAN KID DO YOUR
RECONSTRUCTION SURGERY. YOU
KNOW, HE´S SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR
BEST FRIEND. LOOK. I SAY WE ALL
WAIT FOR HIM HERE, PUSH HIM
DOWN TO THE PIER, AND DUMP HIM
AND THAT CHAIR INTO THE OCEAN
AND SEE HOW FAST HIS LEGS START
WORKING THEN.
>> I´LL DEAL WITH THIS ALONE.
AND, JULIA, START USING THE
FRONT DOOR.
[DOOR OPENS]
>> OH, YOU CAUGHT ME. I WAS
JUST FINISHING MY SHOULDER
PRESSES. HELPS ME GET UP THOSE
RAMPS, YOU KNOW? I HAD ONE MORE
SET.
>> RIGHT.
>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME SO
EARLY? WHAT? WHAT´S GOING ON?
>> WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT WHAT IS
GOING ON WITH YOU AND THIS
CHAIR.
>> YOU´RE RIGHT, AND I KNOW
WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. YOU´RE
STILL PISSED THAT I´M NOT DOING
YOUR SURGERY, AND I GET IT. NO
ONE FEELS WORSE ABOUT IT THAN I
DO, BUT IF YOU THINK YOU CAN
FORCE ME TO GET BETTER SO I
JUST JUMP UP AND WALK BACK
INTO SURGERY, YOU´RE WRONG. I
DON´T NEED ANY MORE PRESSURE
RIGHT NOW. I´M DOING THE BEST I
CAN, ALL RIGHT?
>> [SIGHS]
I KNOW YOU ARE. YOU ALWAYS
HAVE. YOU´VE ALWAYS BEEN THE
RESPONSIBLE ONE. YOU´RE THE ONE
WHO STUDIED IN COLLEGE WHILE I
WAS OUT PARTYING. YOU´RE THE
ONE WHO HAD KIDS AND GOT
MARRIED WHILE I WAS SCREWING
AROUND. MUST BE EXHAUSTING
HAVING TO TAKE CARE OF
EVERYBODY ELSE.
ALL I WANT TO SAY IS YOU STAY
IN THAT CHAIR AS LONG AS YOU
NEED. AS FAR AS THE SURGERY´S
CONCERNED, THAT CAN WAIT AS
LONG AS IT TAKES.
ALL RIGHT?
SHIT. CHEMO.
>> DON´T FIGHT IT. IT´S LESS
PAINFUL THAT WAY.
[RETCHES]